it feels excruciatingly sucky when ive gotta see a picture evidence to knw that im not as well informed as the "rest" of the people. to think that i'd be the first person u guys wld have told. to think that maybe , just maybe , ya'll would want me dwn to just be there and lend that extra "support" that i have. i mean , afterall , considering the fact that i thought we were damn close , i felt that the "maybe.s and think.s" were all just SUPPOSED to be. i guess not now. the uncomfortable feeling i get when we hang out. we seem so close but yet to me , it seems like i barely even knw you guys. to the friend , think "can't be bothered , too busy now , bro , hospital , OH OKAY , O .. i see ." all the times u try and end the convo like that. rubbish la. it was all rubbish. a friend that doesn't have a phone on him can actually bother to use the freaking public phone and search for 2 10-cent coins just to call and check up on me when he heard frm euo. but you , when we were already on the line , and when i didn't turn up for lessons and cip on wed , u just .. to simply put it , didn't care. shan't ruminate about it. there isn't a point.

aft the amount of wakes and funerals i've been to the past 2 months , i've realised that life's really toooo damn short! really. there isn't a point in making things u wanna make seem perfect cause they don't or won't see why. the effort;s just wasted.

at times , being pms-y , emo-fied and attp-ied isn't really wrng or horrible. we just need a period of time , whereby we can just feel like shit , give the whole bloody world a dressing but yet have a hormonal reason for it. that isn't the case now though.

---

bro got under the knives today. it was just shitty that i cldn't be there when he went into the operating theater and be able to go dwn today. shall head dwn tomorrow! then meet up with the cell and then dinner at mr.kok's place! buffet and bbq! (: im betting its gonna be a night of full STRAIGHT fun. hah. cause its just the catch up! and booze i think.

hah. okay! this was pictures in the hospital ystday night! ha. .. i reckon im really good at the wheelchair now. really.



---------------

There was a time I packed my dreams away
Living in a shell, hiding from myself.
There was a time when I was so afraid
I thought I’d reached the end.
Baby, that was then.
But I am made of more than my yesterdays.

This is my now,
And I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around,
I can’t believe the love I see.
My fear’s behind me,
Gone are the shadows and doubt.
That was then.
This is my now.


I had to decide.
Was I gonna play it safe?
Or look somewhere deep inside,
Try to turn the tide.
Find the strength to take that step of faith?

This is my now,
And I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around,
I can’t believe the love I see.
My fear’s behind me,
Gone are the shadows and doubt.
That was then.
This is my now.

I have a courage like never before, yeah.
I settled for less, but I’m ready for more.
Ready for more…

This is my now,
And I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around,
I can’t believe the love I see.
My fear’s behind me,
Gone are the shadows and doubt.
That was then.
This is my now,
And I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around,
I can’t believe the love I see.
My fear’s behind me,
Gone are the shadows and doubt.
That was then.
This is my now.
This is my now.

night!